


fallingforyou

by Literalstarlight (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I was listening to the 1975 and ship happened, M/M, Phanfiction, Phone Sex, Pining, Songfic, like I need to chill with the poetry, metephors, references to /the video/, the 1975
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Literalstarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>//I think I'm falling</p><p>I'm falling for you//</p>
            </blockquote>





	fallingforyou

**Author's Note:**

> I am The 1975 trash please send help

*-_ I

_what time you coming down? //_

His question sent a reverb through Dan's chest. Phil wanted him to come down for a few days while his parents we're out. He wanted to say yes, in all honesty he would have shouted it the minute Phil asked if not for self-control. But what would his mother say? 18 year old Dan meeting up with a man four years older than him - that he met on the internet. It was a long shot. 

"I-I don't know, I'd have to ask."

"Oh..." The rate at which Phil's face fell made Dan want to be there even more. He really seemed so lonely at times. 

"I'll ask when my mum gets home from work, k?" His face brightened a bit. "I'll get on my knees and beg if I have to." The laugh Dan received in return was like granulated sugar. Sweet and juvenile.  

 

*-_ II

_we started losing light //_

_4:37:28_ blinked in the corner of the screen in tiny white numbers. Almost as if it was intended that you'd lose track of it. Four hours talking over Skype. Four hours of Phil Lester and animal noises and guitar hero and the meaning of life and exams and things Dan had never told anyone before. When they started the evening sun was still hanging on to light, but now it was far beyond the horizon and the moon had taken it's place. Dan stuttered out an extended yawn, contorting his face like stretched latex. 

"'should probably head to bed." he managed to mumble out.

"Yeah"

Phil paused and watched Dan carefully, hooded eyes blinking at the harsh light from the laptop sat on his thighs. 

"I don't really want to stop talking to you, though."

 

*-_ III

_I'll never make it right if you don't want me around //_

It was his fault, all of it. Everything was always his fault. He thought there was something there, something more than just what they were. He had felt it. _It was there!_  His impulsive act to kiss Phil probably scared it away, that's why.

That's where everything had gone wrong - the kiss. Everything had felt so right. They we're smiling and the view was breathtaking and he was so close and - he ruined it. He was a naive little boy and Phil was logical. What was Dan thinking, Dan is nothing to Phil. Dan hasn't been to university, he doesn't have hundreds of adoring fans. He's just little Daniel from Wokingham listening to emotional music alone in his bedroom, trying not to think about the relationship he ruined with his best friend.

 

*-_ IV

_you said someday we might //_

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, I was just a bit shocked."

"No, it's okay. It was stupid of me to think that-"

"It's alright."

"What's alright?"

"I wasn't angry you kissed me, just a bit shocked. Unprepared."

"Y-you- you weren't?"

"I wasn't ready."

"Oh."

 

"You should visit some time around Christmas."

 

*-_ V

_'till then we'll knock around, endlessly //_

When they fell into bed the second time that week, Dan accepted and rolled with it.

Lips pulling and teeth clashing, tongues dancing and moans filling the empty silence. No love. No attatchment - pleasure. Grabbing arms and exposed skin, need, and want, and whine. Theres something screaming inside Dan's chest, telling him to get out. Screaming, this is wrong. He ignores it and grips harder to the clammy skin under his palms. Phil's mind is just as conflicted, this isn't how it should be, where is the fairytale? He unclamps his mouth from Dan's and is swallowed in lustful dark pupils that pull him right back in. He's too weak, too young. Enjoying the sounds from the younger boy's mouth far too much to give up now.

Free fall.

 

*-_ VI

_you're all I need //_

Phil is louder over the phone,

Dan loves it.

 

*-_ VII

_don't you see me now? //_

The worst part is the after. The breathless goodnight, the dial tone.

The good morning text with a smiling emoji the next day that seems so out of place Dan wants to crush his phone in his hands. But he sends one right back and they don't say anything about the thud in their chests or the emptiness they carry around.

_I think I'm falling //_

 

 _*-__ VIII

_don't you need me? //_

When Dan starts at the University of Manchester and takes his own dorm, they aren't sure what they're doing. Dan ends up at Phil's place more nights than not. They grow closer but keep their bad habits.

Dan knows all of Phil's weak spots and where to turn to get him to whine for it. Phil coaxes all of Dan's stress into sex and it's great. 

But it's not.

_I'm falling for you //_

 

 _*-__ IX

_I read between the lines //_

Their relationship is so much like a sudoku puzzle. Only one way to get it right, a billion ways to mess it all up. And they keep messing up. They have tears in the page and smudged graphite fingerprints for ages working at it. They're so close.

But my god, they're so far.

 

*-_ X

_and touched your leg again //_

Why must it always be gay chicken?

And it's all Dan's fault again. He keeps staring. They notice it - they notice everything. Phil has marks from previous nights - and they know. But they can't see the wall, or the opaque windows that Dan has to look through to even see Phil some days. They only see the picture perfection on their screen. They don't see behind closed doors and under sheets, they can't see the broken pieces.

But they see everything _they_ cant.

 

*-_ XI

_I'll take you one day at a time //_

They don't hook up as much after Dan drops out. They decide to build back up their friendship, on something besides sex. They go back to their old ways of playing Mario Kart until 3am and they eat pizza and fall asleep drunk with laughter. Sometimes drunk with actual alcohol, but we don't talk about that.

We don't talk about the nights where buzzed blood turns to sweat and closed doors and square one again.

 

*-_ XII

_soon you will be mine //_

Pretending is for actors and childish people - Dan dropped both of those at the door of high school.

 

*-_ XIII

_but I want you now //_

Phil is tired of games and dancing around and unplanned staring contests. He wants to be brave and say how much he cares and let go of how he feels, but fear can shackle you to the core and hold you for years.

 

*-_ XIV

_you look so alive //_

Moving is hard. By the time the apartment is empty, they've each cried three separate times. All about what could have been. The move is a fresh start and the first leap of faith in many to come. Tired and low on money they find themselves in London in an empty flat with half of their things. And even though its nearly four in the morning and they have more to do the next day, they laugh. For all the good times, and bad - for the mistakes and regrets. They're starting over. This time they might just get it right.

 

*-_ XV

_do you fancy sitting down with me? //_

"We're gonna be okay, yeah?"

"Yeah."

_?maybe //_

 

*-_ XVI

_you're all I need //_

The walls are thinner.

_according to your heart //_

 

*-_ XVII

_my place is not deliberate //_

They should have taken into account both how accident prone the two of them are before getting an apartment with both a glass door and rooms so close together. Two doors open, shuffling feet, and... pain in waves from the hollow boxes they carry on their shoulders.

"Fuck! Sorry!"

"Oof!"

They found themselves together on the floor in the hall. Arms in places they haven't been in a year, but this time the electricity isn't driven by lust.

_feeling of your arms //_

 

 _*-__ XVIII

_I don't wanna be your friend //_

Funny, how a night never goes where you tell it to.

They find themselves saying things they never admitted and reliving memories they swore never to awaken. 

"I miss you."

"I'm right here."

"So you are."

"Yeah, I am."

_I wanna kiss your neck //_

 

 _*-__ XIX

_and on this night, and in this light //_

They meet in the middle and everything comes crashing down. But this time is different, this feels like coming home. They slide together and the hands are gentle and the smiles are joyful. It's everything they wanted and waited for, and deserve. They're finally right and the emptiness is gone and the broken pieces fit back together. 

_maybe you'll change your mind //_

* * *

 

_I think I'm falling (I'm falling for you)_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> How did I actually manage to make that 19 parts
> 
> cool cool plans sticking without meaning to


End file.
